Poor Nigel. All those years selling rebellion by the pint.
Turns out the customers can drink elsewhere.
Cry Me a River, Nigel Farage is my tribute to a man discovering that voters aren’t his personal property. Reform’s filling up with yesterday’s Tories while Nigel calls Restore a Conservative containment party. You couldn’t make it up. Well, you could, but nobody would believe you. Now the voters he dismissed are walking away, and suddenly he wants them back. Never mind, Nigel. Have another pint. You’ve certainly earned a cry.
Two Votes Short In Dudley
And The Tears Begin To Fall
Vote Restore, Get Labour
That’s The Latest Battle Call
They Begged The Men They Shunned
To Come Crawling Back In Line
After Calling Them Extremists
When The Numbers Looked Just Fine
You Moved Soft, They Moved Hard
You Talked Tough, They Meant The Word
Now The Votes You Took For Granted
Are Walking To Restore
Cry Me A River, Nigel Farage
The Party Of The Pint And The Stage
You Kicked Your Own Supporters Away
Then Cried When They Wouldn’t Stay
Containment Party? That’s Quite Rich
Your Ex-Tories Made The Switch
Same Old Faces, New Campaign
You Changed The Badge, They Kept The Game
Zia In The Wings, Smiling Polite
Waiting For His Turn At The Mic
Suella Clutched Her Pearls
At The Boats She Once Waved Through
Jenrick Found His Conscience
When The Numbers Grew And Grew
Same Old Faces, Different Blue
Same Old Speeches, Nothing New
You Helped Create The Problem
Now You’re Selling Us The Cure
Restore Said, Deport Them All
You Said, Realistic Goals
They Said, Abolish The System
You Said, Manage The Boats
Cry Me A River, Nigel Farage
The Party Of The Pint And The Stage
You Kicked Your Own Supporters Away
Then Cried When They Wouldn’t Stay
Containment Party? That’s Quite Rich
Your Ex-Tories Made The Switch
Same Old Faces, New Campaign
You Changed The Badge, They Kept The Game
Zia In The Wings, Patient And Bright
First Muslim PM If The Stars Align Right
You Called Them Toxic
You Called Them Extreme
You Called Them A Spoiler
While You Watered The Dream
You Wanted Their Votes
But Not What They Believed
Now You’re Acting Surprised
That They Got Up To Leave
You Sold Them Rebellion
Then Hired The Old Guard
Now You’re Begging For Loyalty
From The People You Discard
Cry Me A River, Nigel Farage
The Weak-Sauce Party Of Managed Rage
You Sold Backbone By The Pint
Then Watched The Hard Men Walk The Line
Vote Restore, Get Honesty
Vote Reform, Get Another Speech
You Thought They’d Crawl Back On Their Knees
They’ve Found A Party You Can’t Squeeze
Zia In The Wings, Patient And Bright
First Muslim PM If The Stars Align Right
Come Back To Us
Come Back To Us
They Already Did
Just Not To You