Scrolling through my feed at 3 AM, another meltdown trending
Someone said “policeman,” now the world is ending
Karen’s in the comments, clutching pearls so tight
“I’m triggered, I’m victimized, this isn’t polite!”
They hunt for microaggressions like it’s big game
Turn a dad joke into drama, scream “shame, shame, shame”
Need their daily outrage fix just to feel alive
Without a cause to cancel, how do they survive?
I’m offended, I’m offended, hear me roar!
Got my feelings weaponized, ready for war
Every word’s a hate crime, every glance a sin
If you’re not triggered yet, where do I begin?
Offended on demand, it’s the new cool trend
Virtue signal louder till the bitter end
I’m offended, yeah I’m offended, clap for me now
‘Cause nothing says “I’m special” like a Twitter meltdown!
Beard? Threatening. Brunch? Oppressive somehow
Hot dog as a sandwich? That’s violence, wow
Don’t touch me, don’t call me, don’t even breathe near
My safe-space bubble’s got a fifty-foot sphere
They love the victim card, it’s their favourite suit
Play it like a fiddle while they tweet and salute
If no one’s mad at them, they start the fight
Offense is oxygen, they need it every night
I’m offended, I’m offended, make it viral quick!
Got my pitchfork ready for a grammar nit-pick
Language evolves? Nah, that’s erasure, bro
Call it fireman, watch the outrage flow
Offended on demand, it’s a full-time gig
Karen’s unite, let’s make the internet big
I’m offended, yeah I’m offended, bow down low
To the kings and queens of perpetual “no”!
Hey snowflake, here’s a tissue for your tears
World’s not your therapist, dry those fears
Grow a spine or log off, pick one today
‘Cause real problems exist while you rage away…
We’re offended, we’re offended, join the choir!
Turn molehills to mountains, set the world on fire
But deep down we know it’s just a sad charade
Offended for likes in our outrage parade
Offended on demand… (echo: “How dare you! How dare you!”)
“Thanks for the engagement… you’re all so brave!”